I never keep up with blogs.
But I will say that a lot has happened over the last year.
If I had to pick a theme for this year, it would be relationships.
One relationship in particular started (or rather, I should say restarted), grew, because of both of our selfishness and stupidity grew out of control, and then imploded on itself. What brief glimpses I had of that persons life after that, I saw them grow stronger, put aside fear and follow their dream of starting their own photography business. When we were together, a lot of mistakes were made, a lot of pain was caused, but afterwards, forgiveness came, and now we have (rather bittersweetly in my opinion, if I have to be honest) gone our separate ways. To that person I wish the best of luck and pray everyday for them to be blessed (whether it be physically, spiritually, or regarding their business/dreams).
But that's not the end of the story.
Though I parted ways with one, I have been blessed to be surrounded by many more. This year has brought more new relationships and friendships then I can count. Deeper relationships than I have ever had. All I can say is that I am incredibly grateful for the people in my life that want to see me become a better person and grow in relationship with Christ and them also. And because of these people, it has also been a year of firsts.
First time out of the country
First mission trip
First real flight
First time moving out on my own and supporting myself
First time having a roommate that isn't a biological family member
First time starting to truly explore and pursue dreams of my own
So just as this roller-coaster of a year must soon come to a close, so this blog and this chapter of my life come to an overdue close also.
So with that, I bid farewell.
Not goodbye forever. Just goodbye for now.
So here's to the next chapter, the next challenge, the next adventure, the next unexpected turn or twist...
It's been almost 2 years since my grandfather, the only earthly father figure I ever had growing up, passed away. Losing the man that raised me was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. There are days, even now, that I find myself weeping because I miss him so much.
Last night, an old friend of mine lost someone they love. They may not have been as close to them as I was to my grandfather, but losing someone you love is still incredibly painful.
And tonight, as I'm sitting here, all I want to do is comfort and encourage that person.
But I can't do that. I burnt those bridges. WE burnt those bridges together, and now we stand on opposite sides.
Anything I said to try to help or encourage would just make things worse and more confusing for that person.
So all I can do is pray.
Because though it may not seem real yet, it is completely real.
Though you may be numb for now, eventually you'll feel....
Even our Savior wept, felt grief, when death grabbed hold his friend
Even though a moment later, He brought him back again
So when you feel the need to weep, just weep
Please don't let numbness win...
(As I have so many times)
Is it bad that I'm up at 2 am, eating croutons from a bag as if they were chips? It is? Oh well. More sodium for me.
So I've decided (as if it's something I can just decide) that I am controlled by fear. Fear of what people will think. Fear of not being good enough or skilled enough. But I can never become skilled enough, at ANYTHING, if I'm too afraid to take the first steps.
The fear, the fear is what keeps me here.....
So a small fear of mine has always been having to support myself COMPLETELY. So I decided to take the first steps towards facing that fear. I've almost finished moving out of my grandma's house to my new place in Newport. My grandmas house has been my home my entire life. It is where I feel safe, and cared for. And that was the biggest problem. I never have had to do everything for myself. I've always been taken care of in some way, shape, or form.
So anyways, yeah.....
....on to the next chapter
Looking over my last post, I had a few thoughts.
One being "wow, that was vague." The second being, "was I stoned when I wrote that?"
but of course I wasn't. I don't do that kind of stuff. That's all regarding that.
So for the first time in awhile, I am absolutely broke monetarily speaking, while waiting for my first paycheck from my new job. But that's alright. I'll survive. Although it can be slightly frustrating.
Money was my motivation for staying at my last job for so long, and looking back I can definitely say that money is a horrible reason to keep a job, at least when it comes to where I'm at in my life. As far as my new job is concerned: I work at a frozen yogurt shop called Yagoot (similar to Pinkberry on the west coast). And even though I'm being paid a little more than half of what I was at my old job, and working 10 hours less a week, I can still say that I love my new job. For one, I was already friends with a couple people that I work with, and even though I'm a newbie, all the people I've met at the Rookwood store have been awesome to me.
On another note, I've pretty much decided that I'm going to sell my PS3 and games. For one thing, they are a distraction and a waste of time. I want to focus on growing my photography skills. Secondly, it's worth $500 with the games. That's possibly a new lens. Or lighting. Or a new external hard drive to store pics on (my other 2 are almost full). You get the picture (pun may or may not be intended). I've already been asked to do 2 photo shoots, which is amazing considering I don't (purposefully) advertise myself at all.
I plan on writing a post about the Mexico trip soon, when I have time. It's too much to type out in just a few minutes. So that will hopefully come soon.
Well, anyway, here goes nothing.... or something....
Hate. Crime. Poverty. Ignorance. Liberals. Conservatives. (those last 2 are sad yet true jokes) The government. Your boss. The status quo. Et cetera, et cetera
There are an infinite number of things people can find themselves working, standing, and/or going against. Yet one will never find themselves (successfully) going against time.
Imagine, if you will, a river. Its current is steady, unchanging, and consistent all the way across. This river is time.
Now imagine you are on a boat. Whatever kind of boat you want. The only catch being that the boat has no engine, paddles, or oars.
Because, as you should be well aware, as much as you would like to, you can't go back in time, or speed time up, or slow it down. All you can do is go forward, at the speed of the current.
That boat, is your life, drifting ever forward... eventually leading into the ocean of eternity.
The question is, what will you do in the meantime?
So I was fired from my job a week or so ago, a month earlier than I was expecting. Which is fine with me. May be a bit more of a challenge financially than I was expecting, but hey, that's ok. I've decided not to worry about finding a job until I get back from Mexico in August.
In other news, my friends Hannah & Ben were married last Friday. I got to see a lot of people I hadn't seen for awhile, and I made a new friend. Her name is Michaela. She is/was one of Hannah's best friends/bridesmaids. That's all I have to say about that... for now. Also, July 26th, 5 days before the Mexico trip, I, along with 20 or so other people, will be going skydiving up in Middletown, Ohio. Yay!
That's all for now.
May you rest in His presence
Grace and Peace
Life. That is what I want. Life. More specifically life following Jesus with total faith and abandon.
