It's been almost 2 years since my grandfather, the only earthly father figure I ever had growing up, passed away. Losing the man that raised me was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. There are days, even now, that I find myself weeping because I miss him so much.
Last night, an old friend of mine lost someone they love. They may not have been as close to them as I was to my grandfather, but losing someone you love is still incredibly painful.
And tonight, as I'm sitting here, all I want to do is comfort and encourage that person.
But I can't do that. I burnt those bridges. WE burnt those bridges together, and now we stand on opposite sides.
Anything I said to try to help or encourage would just make things worse and more confusing for that person.
So all I can do is pray.
Because though it may not seem real yet, it is completely real.
Though you may be numb for now, eventually you'll feel....
Even our Savior wept, felt grief, when death grabbed hold his friend
Even though a moment later, He brought him back again
So when you feel the need to weep, just weep
Please don't let numbness win...
(As I have so many times)
Is it bad that I'm up at 2 am, eating croutons from a bag as if they were chips? It is? Oh well. More sodium for me.
So I've decided (as if it's something I can just decide) that I am controlled by fear. Fear of what people will think. Fear of not being good enough or skilled enough. But I can never become skilled enough, at ANYTHING, if I'm too afraid to take the first steps.
The fear, the fear is what keeps me here.....
So a small fear of mine has always been having to support myself COMPLETELY. So I decided to take the first steps towards facing that fear. I've almost finished moving out of my grandma's house to my new place in Newport. My grandmas house has been my home my entire life. It is where I feel safe, and cared for. And that was the biggest problem. I never have had to do everything for myself. I've always been taken care of in some way, shape, or form.
So anyways, yeah.....
....on to the next chapter
